4.14.09

Sometimes life asks for us to be simple,
Simply give in to the wonders,
Simply give in to the horrors,
Just move on and let them be
But as we take our lives,
And then just crumple,
A big ball of emotions,
All wrapped up in one motion,
Ready to go up and down,
Swivel all around,
Till the hearts knows where to stop,
Something happens.....

As I prepare for bed, I do not know what life is about. Whenever I think I know, it takes a turn and moves in another direction. It goes to where it wants and it wants something I dont know. But one thing I know. I am Tired. Tired both from the day and from baring the burden of my emotions. Its strange to know it, but sometimes knowing is the best medicine. The dosage however has to be determined and I dont quite know how to work it. I dont know how to work my emotions and I dont know how to live another way. I dont think i would switch my life or live another persons way of life....but I would definately like to have a clearer purpose and direction in my own.

Hopelessly Hopefull

Sometimes it is easy to walk away
Sometimes it gets harder as days pass
Sometimes it never ends
Sometimes it never begins
But even so,
The noise just keeps getting louder
The noise just stays within me,
The noise just is, its beating,
Faster and Faster.
As I think thoughts of you,
As I dream hopes of you,
As I breath the realities of you,
As I know the impossibilities of you.
I must tell the truth soon,
My liveliness,
My happiness,
My willingness,
My sadness,
Does not all depend on you.
Just on my strength to bare it all.
Letting my soul heal,
From the wounds of yesterday.
As I make room for more,
I distract my heart,
From the pain,
With the thoughts of you,
Healing my heart,
And keeping me sane.

It Is What It is

So my heart hurts,
It hurts so bad
I wish I could just stop life,
Not move, even a bit it should.
I gave you my heart,
Gave you my soul,
Walked on pieces of glasses,
With my feet bare.
Bared it all with fake smiles,
To get closer to you,
Just a bit, even a bit closer I would.
But now the time has come,
When I pull the sword out of my heart,
And let you go.
Because try as I might,
It wont heal till the bleeding stops.
Which wont till you are gone.
I wanted a different end,
But learning and accepting life this way,
Has become a part of me.
Realizing that It is what it is.
A reality of life, in my existence.
Look at it as you would,
The Truth has bitten.
And now there is no saving,
No forgiving,
No fixing,
No loving,
No Living,
Just Breating

4.7.09

It been raining for a few days. Not only is this very depressing, it is also one of those lets that get to me. Literally. My head hurts in this weather like there is no other. I have about 31+ days left to graduate. I am so excited but I am also so nervous. I want to be able to get the hell outta here. I am glad that things are getting better in terms of how I see em. i am not the kind to be sad for long but I know this will take its sweet time. I know that I will have to fight my way out of this...but I feel like I am prepared.
PS I am hungry!
ALSO ON an important note. The Girls won today! GO U-C-O-N-N!!!!! Atleast we have one championship game under our belt. I dont care if the men did not win. They tired damn hard and they gave it all they had. I am sure that they could do better but I am still proud of them no matter what.

Inside Outside

As passes each day,
The Darkness inside rottens' my whole.
Outside the rainbows fill the world with color.
As butterflies fly all around me,
Churning my stomach along with.
What is to come next,
I do not know.
As anxiousness deepens
My fears grow.
Replacing my veins with roots of its own.
Soon flowers shall blossom,
Then Birds and bees shall do their deeds.
Pollinating and spreading,
That which already began.

That Day

I grew a little that day.
I died a little that day.
But till this day,
I have not been able to live a little,
Since that day.

One Morning

I woke up one morning,
And, I was in love.
I woke up one morning,
And, you were gone.
I woke up one morning,
And, realized the depth of it.
I woke up one morning,
And, knew I wasn't in love with you anymore.