Social butterfly

My entire life I've been the person who didn't believe in being part of a clique. How can you limit yourselves to the same group of people? Why would you want to limit yourself to a few personalities? How are you ever going to adapt to different people, different styles. &behaviors ? I've always believed that the more people I get to know the better of a person I will become.

I remember in high school at lunch I never hung out with just one crew. Everyday I was hanging out with different kids, girls, boys, seniors, juniors, boarders. It didn't matter who they were, I talked to everyone.  Kinda like a nomad of the people. 

However now in my life I'm at that stage where I don't know why I don't have a close friends I don't want to limit myself to just that we still want to do butterflies don't want to get to know everybody that walks the face of this earth however I want a group of people that understand me that understand Who I am how I am my compliments my behavior the ins and outs of how I work how I operate how i exist.

Growing up and moving to usn having to adjust to the life here is just as difficult. Suddenly I had to learn how to make friends again suddenly I had to adjust to this life so I could start a life all over again 13 years later I don't think I was successful.

I've met a lot of people along the way I've learnt a lot of things about human beings I'm at that point where I actually think I could have been a psychiatrist and helped people because I understand them lot better.

Issues

Okay! So I know that I am supposed to live a life where I don't hold on to anger, forgive people, move on from things that happened in the past, remember the good memories, the life lessons, yada yada yada... But I don't! I don't know how. Most of my life I behaved like a spoilt little brat and got away with it. Fought people, fought ideas, fought restrictions, like a perfect text book example of a rebel. But I was happy. My life had a purpose and even I didnt know what it was, everyday was just a new day. A new thing to be discovered, something new to be experienced. Now I feel like all that has faded out of my existence. It is no longer fun. Living has become burdensome. Things get tough. Not just for me but for everyone. But somehow (atleast in my mind) it is tougher for me. I go on each day but I have no purpose. Other than to exist, I have no reasons to do anything. I have no motivation to grow, I have no motivation to workout and be hot (even though I want to have a good body). I fail myself over and over again. Some-days it feels that if I disappeared tomorrow hardly anyone would notice. And if someone did notice, I doubt they would care.

I am not trying to be sad or a "debbie downer" with my post. I am simply trying to compare the different aspect of my life in the extremes it experiences.